Balloon Boy Hoax Found to Be Hoax

This faux news piece appeared (with a cool flying saucer picture) in the December 2009 issue of Humor Times. If I could make my scanner work, I'd a scanned it in with the picture and my first ever by line!

Balloon Boy Hoax Found to Be Hoax
Reported By Kate Morrison

FORT COLLINS, CO - Police in Fort Collins, Colorado today have announced that the Balloon Boy Hoax involving the Heene family, their son Falcon and a homemade balloon, was not a publicity stunt but a cover up for the boy’s attempt to release his parents in the balloon.

After hours of intense interrogation by police puppeteers, Balloon Boy Falcon Heene confessed that he wanted to get rid of his parents for cutting off his Club Penguin account. According to experts this isn’t the only incident involving conflicts between children and parents over Disney’s mega on-line game site that encourages social networking over actual play and rabid consumerism in children. Club Penguin administrators confirmed that the Heene’s Club Penguin account had been canceled just two days before the balloon incident.

According the Falcon Heene’s confession, he was going to crawl into the balloon and when his parents followed him in, he would jump out and release the balloon. “This is what started the confusion over who was in the balloon” said Fort Collins Police Chief.

Falcon reportedly showed police, using puppets that represented his parents, how they were always making him log off his Club Penguin account. “Log off NOW”” the boy made the mommy puppet say. Even more disturbing, using the daddy puppet, the boy showed police a violent re-enactment of his father ripping the wires from the back of the computer shouting “Enough of that damn thing -we’re leaving to look for UFOs!”

Evidence collected during the search of the Heene’s home included several cartoon like pictures believed to be drawn by Falcon. Police are working to verify that the crayons found in Falcon’s room match the ones used in the pictures. One frightening drawing shows the boy’s parents as stick figures floating off in a balloon into the clouds with large speech bubble saying “Help, Falcon, we wanna come home, we won’t boss you anymore!”

Falcon later told police his older brother had helped him with the spelling in his cartoon and in designing the plan to get rid of their parents via balloon. In a separate interview with police the older Heene boy confirmed his role, saying he wanted the mom back that they had in Wife Swap. “She was way hot” said the 12 year old.

Official charges against both boys are expected to be filed later today in Poudre Valley Juvenile Court.